Frogspawn is the caviar of the country
2005-12-12 ~ 8:11 p.m.
I've got my photo in the company newsletter; it's only in a group photo, and I look like I have an artificial arm, and the caption is in Japanese, and our Japanese-speaker refuses to translate it. But surely I can die happy.
Everybody in the office has been discussing their Christmas trees. I don't even have a Christmas stick. Or a cactus trimmed with earrings.
Misheard Xmas carol nonsense from Snopes, some of which is surely made up.
I was going to revive my tradition of writing an Xmas story, but Christmas Day is only minutes away and so far I've only written the opening line (which sucks) and a hilarious routine about the difference between cats and dogs.
Can I confess to watching Man About The House on Paramount 2? Aside from the quaint plots (tonight Jo was cooking dinner for a Jewish man with a suitably 1970s beard, and everyone else was playing Monopoly), mainly the appeal is the incomparably 70s-tastic Paula Wilcox. And Belle and Sebastian sing "Get some fish and chips What's on the box? 'Man about the house' with Paula Wilcox". But it's top easy-listening comedy of the sort they can't make any more (though the theme music can't match Robin's Nest). I'm sure MATH is much better than the US version Three's Company and American ersatz-Wilcox Suzanne Somers, though I'm willing to concede that the late John Ritter might be better than the uncertain-timekeeping Richard O'Sullivan.
OK that's enough trivia-in-paragraph-form. I've not done a survey for a while; this is appropriated from heelandlass and fridayfilms.
HAVE YOU EVER
(NO) snuck out of the house
No. Not much wild partying when I was a kid, and we never got grounded.
(YES) gotten lost in your city
I've been lost a few times in Edinburgh. It's easier to get lost when you're drunk, but I can do it sober too. But generally you don't have to walk too far to find something you know, especially in a city with so many big memorable hills.
(NO) seen a shooting star
No. I shot Lionel Ritchie once with an antique blunderbuss, though. Perhaps.
(NO) had a serious surgery
I had a couple of minor ops when I was a kid, but nothing life-threatening.
(NO) gone out in public in your pajamas
No. I've been accused of wearing clothes that looked like pyjamas. Be careful with stripy shirts, boys and girls.
(YES) kissed a stranger
(YES) hugged a stranger
I like strangers.
(NO) been in a fist fight
I nearly was once at primary school, but I kicked him in the shin and ran away. I've also been beaten up a couple of times when I was younger, though no serious damage.
(NO) been arrested
(NO) rode in a cop car
(YES) been to Europe
Yes. Damn American-centric surveys.
(YES) done drugs
(YES) Had alcohol
(NO) gotten a tattoo
(NO) run away
Not for more than about 15 minutes.
(YES) played strip poker
Yes, when very young.
(YES) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
(YES) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(YES) swore at your parents
Probably not the F word though.
(YES) been in love
(YES) been obsessed with someone
Perhaps? Hi, Rebecca.
(YES) been to a casino
(NO) been skydiving
(NO) broken a bone
(YES) been high
(NO) skinny-dipped
Sheltered life, like I said.
(NO) skipped school
(NO) flashed someone
Someone has flashed me, though.
(YES) saw a therapist
Does a speech therapist count?
(NO) played spin the bottle
Not the electronic version, and not even the bottle-based version.
(YES) gotten stitches
Stitches and staples, at different times, in opposite sides of my head.
(YES) peed in a public place
(NO) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
No I am not a cow in reverse.
(YES) bitten someone
Apparently I was a vicious biter when I was a toddler.
(NO) been to Disneyland
Just Diaryland, which is much the same, except you're a little more likely to get wet or feel nauseous.
(YES) gotten the chicken pox
Yes, while on holiday in Inverness.
(YES) kissed a member of the same sex
(NO) crashed into a friend's car
I've thrown up in a friend's car. Does that count? Actually he wasn't really a friend. We all slagged him off but still took lifts.
(NO) been to Japan
(YES) ridden in a taxi
Ridden in one, fallen out of one, got stitches (see above).
(YES) shoplifted
Depending if you count when I was working in a supermarket; otherwise it's just pick and mix sweets when I was little (and I felt really guilty when I was little. I blame God.)
(NO) been fired
(NO) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(YES) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
Obviously. Real people, as well as cast members of Home and Away.
(YES) stolen something from your job
Who hasn't? Of course these days, it's pens and blank CDs, but it used to be chocolate bars, ice cream, and assorted fruits.
(YES) gone on a blind date
Kind of, in a "meeting someone I've never seen but have emailed" way, not in a "set up by friends" way.
(YES) lied to a friend
(YES) had a crush on a teacher
Everybody loved Miss Warrender in secondary school. But at least I never rubbed my head over her chest after getting drunk on a school trip (Murray).
(NO) had a one-night stand
(NO) celebrated mardi-gras in new Orleans
(NO) slept with a co-worker
Wanted to. Not here though.
(NO) had sex at work
Open-plan office.
(NO) had an affair
(NO) been married
(NO) gotten divorced
(NO) had children
(NO) seen someone die
(NO) had a close friend die
(NO) been to Africa
(NO) been in a major natural disaster
(NO) been in a serious car accident
(YES) damaged public property
Minor drunken vandalism, nothing to worry about.
(NO) been grounded
(NO) Driven over 400 miles in one day
Except in video games.
(NO) Been to Canada
Although when my brother emigrates there once he's finished uni, perhaps.
(NO) Been to Mexico
Close, but no.
(YES) Been on a plane
(NO) been on a helicopter
(NO) been on a seaplane
(NO) been on a cruise
Not quite, though I've been on a few long ferry crossings.
(YES) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(YES) Thrown up in a bar
Only in toilets.
(YES) blacked out
I don't remember.
(YES) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
This seems plausible, though I'm not certain. Hairs at least.
(YES) watched porn
This is the internet, after all.
(YES) read a clockwork orange
Read it, ridden on it.
(YES) seen risky business
Seen it, enacted it one weekend (not strictly true).
(YES) Eaten Sushi
Once, in Texas. Now I do not believe in killing fish unless they're about to devour ancient Greek princesses.
(NO) Been snowboarding
I've tried to stand up in a sledge.
(YES) Met someone in person from the internet
Yes, a few. Although since I've ordered pizza over the internet and met the delivery driver, it's probably not such a big thing these days.
(NO) lost a child
At poker?
(YES) gone to college
(NO) done hard drugs
Rolling a joint is quite hard?
(NO) tried killing yourself
Unless you count the time when my old boss fell asleep while driving in the middle of a very unpleasant time at work, and I wasn't sure whether to wake him up or not.
(YES) fired a gun
When I was at school they made us all do target shooting with rifles one day. They were evil like that. I think I hit the target, but it didn't impress me much; water pistols are more fun.
(YES) purposely hurt yourself
(YES) taken painkillers
Only wimpy over-the-counter ones.
(YES) miss someone right now
Finally found someone I love more than the rain - 2013-09-17
Taxi driver, be my shrink for the hour, leave the meter running - 2013-08-29
Dear friend, I cannot tell the reason why we started well - 2013-08-06
I saw this movie one time called Imitation of Life. The movie was really kind of shitty but I loved the title. - 2013-07-12
Catch the bus by half past three otherwise you'll find you're walking home - 2013-07-10
mail note tunes cabbages sprouts
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